| | Part I:
Sometimes things don't turn out the way they are supposed to. Some things aren't meant to be. When there isn't a middle ground or a fine line to be crossed things may become overwhelmingly too much or too comfortable. I figured out that the key in MY life wasn't to balance but to endure. If you really believe in something, you endure and endure until you hit the redline and you keep going because you just want it more. I've passed that line to the point where it's become more than hazardous to myself. For myself, either in sports, life, or relationships. I don't feel like regretting, and I'm not the type to regret. I don't feel like I should be uncomfortable with my decisions to just keep going. But, if things just don't make sense anymore then there is no point and that is what I have come to learn. If this were the case in a relationship ( that the relationship is "redlining"), if one person "knows" best, the other person will usually disagree if not verbally, mentally, as a reflex. It's a clash of minds where someone will get left behind and someone is gonna have to suck it up before the war dies down. The more and more it becomes a broken record the more and more someone will just make decisions and assumptions based on the past. So basically you shouldn't keep playing the broken record, you should take it off the turntable and actually BREAK the record. Yes, the past is the only thing that we know for certain, but living your life in the past is bad. Even worse is trying to predict your future based on the past. Track records are made to be broken. Baggage sometimes gets lost, which can be a good thing, because you never wanna travel with too much baggage right? I mean Southwest has it right, they only allow you to check in 2 or 3 bags, they barely allow you to even carry baggage. On the plane you feel light because you don't the weight of all the baggage with you. traveling to a new place, limited baggage, good deal. New start. Consistancy counts, but isn't always certain. Being great or good at something before doesn't mean you will be great or good in the future. Being horrible at something now doesn't mean you will be bad in the future either. Sometimes you just want to scream as loud as you can into a pillow. You can't help it. So either can I.
Part II:
I don't like losing, and I don't like to quit. I always say the worst thing to say to me if you want to beat me in anything is that you're better than me. You should either win be respectful about it or don't win at all. In sports when I'm competing, its all about winning, if it looks like we're gonna lose then, it's still all about winning, my mind is constantly thinking, "we're gonna win, we're gonna win" The score is 13-4 in a pickup game to 15. Ok fine, we're still gonna come back and win.. ok the score is 14-4 and they are on offense, "Alright then, if they are gonna win then lets make it extremely difficult for them to get that last point" Of course, im not gonna tell you how to be after you do beat me. I remember picking up tennis one summer and being upset that I couldn't serve, I woke up at 6am for almost 3 weeks and practiced serving for almost 2-3 hours alone in the morning everyday. Or when my parents tell me I'm out of shape, a similar thing happens. I remember not liking this one kid in my 2nd grade class, and I noticed he was writing with his left hand (because he was left handed) so I remembered going home and pulling out a notebook and started writing left handed, needless to say it was horrible and I got so frustrated that I couldn't do it that the next day I found a blank notebook and wrote on the cover, left handed notebook. Every day after class for about a month I pulled it out and started writing the alphabet and my first and last name with my left hand. So I wonder now if me being in a different time zone is a product of all this or if it's really what I wanted to do, "C" Other or "D" None of the above.
Part I and a half:
There are times where I feel like I'm by myself out here. There are times where I really am by myself out here. The only thing that makes it all alright is that every night when I do close my eyes, I get to imagine what I could be, or how things CAN turn out. Possiblities and dreams are everything to a person like me. I don't have a set path, though at times I wish I did have that kind of security in my life the older and older I get, and maybe one day I will, but my security in life right now is the opportunity to believe and dream of all things possible for myself and at times others. Dashing me of those things will most likely destroy me. Luckly for me, and people like me, you can't take away the things and ideas, dreams and beliefs I have that can only be opened up when I close my eyes.
Part III:
The Backyardigans remind me of my little nieces, Listening to the theme song makes me feel better.
Part IV:
Todai in Hawaii IS better and I miss lunchplates oddly.
Part V:
I miss Chicago.
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| | Posted 9/6/2006 4:33 AM - 26 Views - 8 eProps - 5 comments
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i wanna see how the trip was.. i am hoping to get to go out there in october.. hang in there, it's normal to miss home when u first get to a new place. and i agree, todai hawaii is so much better than todai mainland anywhere! did u have aloha sushi too? 1.29 for three pieces. can't be beat..
